Stress runs high between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day, making it a difficult time for those struggling with addiction and recovery. That’s why we wanted to share some tips for staying sober during the holidays.
Harvard describes holiday stress as, “an acute reaction to an immediate threat” where “the brain’s prefrontal cortex goes into overdrive.” This basically means that neuroscience backs up the reality of holiday stress.
Family members can be a source of a lot of our pain, and the holidays are often about family.
Many of us who suffer from mental health and substance addiction issues experienced difficult childhoods, at best.
The impact of childhood trauma from painful memories and intense emotional experiences are dredged up during the holidays, sometimes due to divorce, verbal, physical, sexual abuse, or neglect.
Family issues like overbearing and highly critical parents, absent parents, or those who failed to tend to our needs and show us the love and affection children need to thrive can be a source of pain during the holiday season.
If this is true, it’s okay and sometimes healthier to limit the time spent during holiday family visits.
There’s a saying: “Of course our families push our buttons, they installed them.”
Nobody is suggesting that we completely avoid our families, except in the most dire cases, but we don’t have to spend our entire holiday with them either.
It’s easy to say, “I would love to come over before or after the meal, because I have another obligation to attend on the same day. Perhaps it’s at the homeless shelter or in bed with Netflix – who cares, whatever it takes to get out of a painful situation.
The Bermuda Triangle of Holidays
Some call the time between Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s Eve the “Bermuda Triangle of Holidays” for addicted people because of the stress, parties, and alcohol.
Navigating this Bermuda Triangle is a very tricky exercise, but one we can get through together, if we use some basic strategies and coping mechanisms.
Recognizing the difference between eustress vs distress is helpful for understanding that not all stress is bad, and some forms of stress can be exhilarating and beneficial for keeping us motivated.
Always remember the true purpose of the holidays. Never forget that Thanksgiving is about gratitude, and Christmas i’s about the kids. Everything else is just noise designed to make us spend money.
As challenging as it may seem, getting thru holidays sober and enjoying them is possible for everyone.
Having fun while sober comes naturally, it’s how we did it as children. It’s simply a matter of remembering how to have fun without drugs or alcohol. Learn to fill the void with things that are enjoyable.
At first, this can seem overwhelming or even boring because so many social activities revolve around alcohol in our society. In the beginning, it’s tempting to go back to our old ways of drinking and partying. Avoid this temptation at all costs.
Staying sober during the holidays offers the opportunity to adventure out and explore what life has to offer. Get creative and explore some new and interesting activities.
7 Meaningful Ways of Staying Sober During the Holidays
1. Experience New Holiday Activities
The holiday season is full of fun activities and the best ones can be something you look forward to every year like skiing, ice skating, dinner with friends, volunteering at a soup kitchen, or decorating your home.
Think of new activities you have never tried before but always wanted to do during the holiday season. That will make getting thru holidays sober a fresh new experience and help create new traditions for the years to come.
Here are ideas to do with family and friends over the holidays that don’t require alcohol:
- Go see a production of “The Nutcracker” or another holiday favorite performance
- Volunteer at a homeless shelter that feeds folks for Thanksgiving
- Go Christmas caroling
- Drive through the neighborhoods and rate the best Christmas lights
- Start or join a gift drive to benefit underprivileged kids
- See a movie on Christmas Day
- Stay home on New Year’s Eve to beat the crowds, save hundreds of dollars, get to bed early and wake up the next day without a hangover to conquer the new year alive and refreshed
- Begin a 90-day Yoga challenge and start the new year with a head-start
- Go to a midnight mass at church or other spiritual celebration
Staying sober during the holidays makes life more productive because you won’t experience any severe hangover symptoms, and you’ll be able to remember all of your festive activities.
2. Learn to Say “No”
If you’re invited to an event that you know will involve drugs or alcohol, learn to simply say “No.” People will respect your choice if you remain absolute.
When offered alcohol, here are some polite responses that work well:
- No. Thank you, though
- I don’t drink these days. I am allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs (Robert Downey Jr.’s favorite reply)
- I’m allergic to alcohol
- It was becoming a problem for me, so I’m just not drinking right now
- I don’t like alcohol
As long as we’re at peace with our decision not to drink or use drugs for getting thru holidays sober, it’s really no one else’s business. If someone is bothered by you not drinking, that’s really their problem, and not yours.
Keep in mind, you don’t need to go to every event you’re invited to, and you shouldn’t feel guilty about it. Going to social events is supposed to be fun, so if you think the event might trigger a relapse, learn to politely say “no thanks.”
Remember, it’s your life and you get to pick and choose the events that best align with your comfort zone and personal happiness. Don’t ever feel guilty and never dwell on hurting another person’s feelings when you look out for yourself first.
This is one of the hardest parts of self-care, and one of the most important.
If you find yourself in a situation where everyone is drinking or taking drugs, you can be the one to show them how to stay sober during the holidays and still have fun.
Sometimes it’s too difficult to be around people who are using drugs or alcohol, and it’s okay to leave. After leaving, recognize that you found the strength to remove yourself from a place where you weren’t comfortable, and commend yourself for staying true to your sobriety.
Your real friends will love and respect you for your decision. If they don’t, find a new crowd who enjoys activities without drinking or taking drugs.
3. Be of Service to Others
There are many ways that you can serve others this holiday season. As we’ve touched on already, you could volunteer at any of the following places:
- Soup kitchens
- Homeless shelters
- Church
- School
- Children’s hospital
- Charities that need help around the holidays
The simple activity of shifting your focus from yourself to helping others can be a rewarding activity.
Because you’re staying sober during the holidays you can offer to drive friends or family to social occasions.
You could also offer to babysit if you want to avoid an alcohol-fueled event. It has been scientifically proven that when you serve others you feel happier.
If you’re a parent with children, involve the kids and teach them at a young age about the joys and rewards of helping others who aren’t as fortunate.
4. Exercise or Go for a Run
When drinking alcohol, the brain gets flooded with dopamine, a feel-good neurotransmitter. That’s one of the reasons that many people drink – to feel good.
Thankfully there are a lot of other healthy ways that we can encourage our brain to make dopamine, and exercise is one of them. Exercise is a natural dopamine booster that literally protects and rewires the brain.
Dopamine motivates us and makes us feel emotions like pleasure and satisfaction. Drinking or taking drugs is an unnatural way to activate the body’s dopamine pathways.
Learn to become addicted to the dopamine rush you get when working out.
You can even get the feeling of euphoria or a “runner’s high” after aerobic exercise. In fact, many of the same receptors involved when a person gets high from drugs or alcohol get activated when a person experiences a runner’s high.
“Endorphin” is short for “endogenous morphine,” meaning we have morphine-like substances already in our bodies. We just need to be doing things that release them. Physical activity and meditation are the best ways to unlock these neurotransmitters and other feel good brain chemicals.
Researchers have found that endorphins pass through the blood-brain barrier and trigger the brain’s endocannabinoid system when experiencing a runner’s high.
As an added bonus, running is great for your health, as well as protecting and rewiring your brain.
5. Enjoy Dancing
Whether you decide to try out a new dance class at your gym or get out on the dance floor, dancing can enhance your feelings of power.
Researcher Amy Cuddy from Harvard University found that how we move our bodies can impact our minds, and the practice of power posing (which are a lot of the poses we do when dancing) positively influences our feelings.
Dancing can also impact mental health and induce feelings of happiness. Dancing is another activity that will promote the production of dopamine and serotonin, much better than drugs or alcohol can, with no negative consequences.
Luckily, the holidays are meant for celebrating, and dancing fits in perfectly.
6. Make Meaningful Connections
People often use substances because they feel a lack of connection with others. Substances are sometimes used to create false connections with others.
When we are fully conscious and present we can foster meaningful friendships and connections that will enrich our lives, which is why the compassionate care model of addiction treatment is so powerful.
The holidays should be about enjoying time with family and friends. We get so busy during the year that we often forget to be present in the moment and appreciate those who mean the most to us.
Take the time during the holiday season to be mindful of those we care about and truly connect with them, while putting aside work or other obligations for just a day or two.
Time is precious, especially as we get older, and it’s okay to use the holidays as a pause from the daily grind and make the most of relishing in the company of loved ones.
Another idea is to plan a “Friendsgiving” with sober friends. Of all the things we have to be grateful for, our connection with others and authentic, loving relationships must be at the top of most people’s list.
7. Enhance Your Mind and Brain
During the holidays you’ll have plenty of time to pick up a new skill or read some of the books you never had time for in the past. Enjoy this opportunity to make time to enhance your mind.
Alcohol and drugs damage the brain, so why not do the opposite and improve your brain. Read, watch documentaries, or educate yourself about things you’ve always felt passionate about.
Instead of avoiding life with drugs, dive in and enjoy yourself, learn to enjoy learning and expanding your mind. There are tons of courses on sites like Udemy, or books you can download on Amazon. There hasn’t ever been a better time to learn about new things.
More Tips for Staying Sober During the Holidays
1. Meeting Makers Make It
If you’re a member of a 12-Step community, hit extra meetings, and spend time with your tribe. When looking for others who understand how stressful and difficult staying sober during the holidays can be, you’ll surely find them in an AA meeting.
2. All Things Must Pass
Every craving has a beginning, a middle, and an end. Every difficult situation is temporary. All things must pass, and you will get through it if you stay focused on having happy sober holidays.
3. Be Compassionately Curious
Practice “compassionate curiosity” for difficult people in your life by trying to figure out what kind of pain they are suffering from that would lead them to want to hurt others, either consciously or unconsciously.
Be aware that sometimes when someone does something that really bothers us, that can actually be a reflection of something about ourselves that we do not like or do not accept.
4. Find Quiet Time
The holidays are a very loud and hyper-busy time of year. Those of us who suffer from a mental illness or substance abuse can easily get overwhelmed by the added stimulus.
Brew a cup of tea or cocoa, read a book, or watch a movie. Take advantage of quiet time for self-care so you can relax and recharge your batteries.
5. Breathe
When all else fails… Just Breathe.
Did you know that diaphragmatic breathing (breathing with your belly) has been proven to reduce psychological stress?
You can make it part of your meditation practice, or just take a few seconds to breathe in deeply, and breathe out slowly in stressful situations.
The Bottom Line on Staying Sober During the Holidays
When get into the swing of it, enjoying getting thru holidays sober can be a refreshing and enlightening experience.
Being fully present and mindful allows you to take full advantage of what life has to offer. The old patterns of drinking or taking drugs will completely lose their grip when you embrace sobriety and love your new life in recovery.
Staying sober during the holidays isn’t always easy, and it isn’t always fun, but it’s very do-able. Just remember, we all struggle sometimes, and you aren’t alone.
Be kind. Be thankful for what you have. Give freely and get in touch with the gratitude that is such an important part of what it means to be human.
